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[ Vash exhales a long breath, lips parted against the skin of his brother's neck as he focuses on the sensation of nails dragging through the hair at the base of his skull. He hums out a sound in response, fingers smoothing over his brother's chest as he tries to decide if he wants to attempt pretending to sleep.

He decides his brother is far too perceptive when it comes to how he acts for that to work. His brow pinches as he considers how to answer, if he still wants to answer or if he's going to get cold feet and just give half truths. ]

Couldn't sleep.

( he's never going to expect vash to be completely honest with him when it comes to situations like this, those in which something is clearly bothering him and he hasn't decided if he wants to try to get it out or leave it alone. nai has learned when it's all right to pry and when it's best to leave things alone, and he's not sure which one of those this is going to be, not yet. so. it appears he's going to walk on eggshells until he figures it out.

his free hand slips to lace fingers with those laid against his chest, and he squeezes gently, keeping with scratching through soft hair with the others. ) Is something bothering you? ( is his first and most obvious response, because his brother is almost always able to sleep, and sleep anywhere, so when he can't it's a notable cause for concern.

but in an attempt to potentially lighten the weight of whatever is on vash's mind, he adds: ) Or did you drink tea too late in the evening again?

Maybe. Just thinking a lot.

[ He exhales a breath, one that's really meant to be a laugh at the lame joke. It doesn't really feel like the heart is there for it. He does, however seem to scoot in closer if possible, like some kind of heat seeking leech. It's not his fault that this is probably the most comforting place he could think of.

He's quiet, after that, not exactly trying to fall asleep, but he is focusing on his brother's breathing, the feeling of his fingers dragging through his hair. It should make him feel better but it almost makes him feel worse. As close as he is to Nai, Vash almost starts to shrink in on himself. His expression, which had been neutral hidden as it was against the back of his brother's neck, shifts into something grieved. ]

Nai?

You're always thinking. ( he says sleepily, but not because he isn't listening to his brother, or paying attention to his body language; of course he isn't going to miss the way he exhales against the back of his neck like it's meant to be a laugh, he can feel that his heart isn't in it, and that's his first clue that this isn't just because his brother had taken in caffeine too late in the evening.

the fingers trailing along his nape, dragging through the fine, shaved-short hair there don't stop in their wandering, shifting instead to press into the tired, tight muscle just above the line of his shoulders as best he can from such an awkward angle. his nails drag just as much as the tips of his fingers dig in, and at the sound of his name he turns very gently, not quite enough to look after his shoulder but. the effort itself should be enough. )

Yes, Vash?

[ It's so tempting to just melt into the touch that he's being showered with, to let it lull him into a likely not-so-restful sleep, like how the warmth of their proximity is already trying to do to him. ]

Would it be so bad? [ He starts, quiet as a mouse in church almost, the tone of his voice thread thin as he pulls himself close tight with Nai, as though there was any room. It's as if in this moment Nai is what's tethering him to this space, rather than letting him float away. ]

To stay. [ He knows the answer. It's a horrible thing to want. To even consider it. In a way he feels as though the wish he made when drifting to this place has already come true. And yet, there are the people they've left behind, their sisters, the humans, everyone and everything they know. The confession of it makes Vash feel microscopic. ]

( nai only ever wants to shower his brother in his attention, his affection now that it's been made abundantly clear that it's a welcome thing, instead of something to be avoided; it's been said before and will undoubtedly be said again that they have made the kind of progress he doesn't think they would have had a chance for back on noman's land, and he doesn't think he'll ever be as thankful for anything else for the rest of their lives.

… well. there are a few things he would be more thankful and grateful for, but they're the sort that he'll keep to himself for the foreseeable future.

he's quiet when that question comes, both because he hadn't been expecting such a thing to come out of his brother and he needs a moment to dredge up a response; there isn't much of anything left for him on that dead desert of a planet, not after the fall of july, not with vash here and safe with him. it's a selfish thought in its own way, he thinks, to want to keep what they've built here instead of possibly returning to the ruins they ( he ) had left behind.

there is also the fact of him being dead. there would be no going back for him either way.

he inhales softly, steadily, taking a breath in through his teeth and exhaling through his nose, fingers stopping their gentle massaging of tired muscle and instead simply brushing over the slope of vash's neck. lingering over the fluttering beat of his pulse. ) Is that what you want to do? Stay here indefinitely?

...I don't know. If everything is just going to go back to the way it was I—

[ He doesn't mean to pull away from Nai, but he does all the same as he draws in on himself, still pressed against Nai but smaller somehow, curled out of his reach and if there's something wet against the skin between Nai's shoulderblades, it's probably best to ignore it. ]

I don't want to lose you again.

[ There's a lot else he doesn't want to lose. His friends here, Meryl and the others. But there's certainly one relationship, one giant thread that's finally woven its way back into the tattered tapestry of his life and that's his brother. They still argue, still bicker, but it's nothing like before. Beyond that, they've woven a new little story in their shared tapestry, the color and shape of it spreading over so much of the worn fabric that it makes the rest of it that much stronger. ]

Vash—

( love, please, do not do this to yourself —

his reaction is near-immediate, when his brother pulls away from him he's turning to face him properly, reaching to wrap his arms around him and pull him in close; he knows better than vash what awaits them both back at july if they were to return, but as has been mentioned before, vash would be the one in need of catching up.

in need of realizing just how much devastation they've both caused because they're both so stubborn.

he tucks his brother's face into the hollow of his throat, chin resting at the top of his head as one hand smooths over the line of his spine, as soothing as he thinks he can be. ) Dear heart … I'm not going anywhere as long as we're here, mm? ( he shifts just as much as he needs to press a soft kiss to the very center of the other's forehead. ) I'm not sure how much control we have over how long we stay here, but for the moment, I can promise you this much.

There is nowhere else I would rather be than here with you. My heart goes wherever you go.

[ It's both comforting and not, what his brother says. It does some to soothe the heavy weight in his chest, but what does more is the physical presence of his twin enveloping all of his senses. He noses against Knives' throat, his arms shifting to wrap tightly around him the best he can, their legs tangling together. ]

I know you aren't going anywhere. [ There's a pause, and a hand pressed to Knives' back shifts into a fist. ] While we're here.

It was the worst everything had been, what I remember last. What if we just go back to that? Not listening to each other.

( he would hold him like this for the rest of their natural lives if he could, this close, close to his heart just to ensure he stays just like this; safe, enveloped, kept within the bubble they've made for themselves that nothing else could even think of touching.

something in him goes just a little bit rigid when he says what he does next, when he gives rise to the notion of what he remembers from before he'd woken up here. nai has long since deduced that their timelines are different, that much is true, and he doesn't — he doesn't think —

he sighs out a small note, something that catches just behind his teeth, that one hand still smoothing along the line of his spine. ) There's nothing saying we will. ( but there isn't anything saying they won't, either, and he knows that. )

What if we were to go back with our memories of this place? And how much better we were here?

[ He feels so small, laying here. Their legs tangle together and Vash can feel the moment that Nai stiffens, the buzzing in his ears only getting louder in the moment. The sound of his brother's voice soothes him just a little and Vash exhales a breath that's almost as much of a physical shudder as it is a sound.

The thought does seem to do something to calm the worries raging in his chest, but his grip on Nai is no less desperate as he does his best to merge with the warmth of his brother.

They could. They could work together instead of being at each other's proverbial throats with their separate ideals. Together maybe they really could make NML into the paradise for themselves and their kind AND the humans. ]

Only if you'll be there, Nai. Promise.

( he really doesn't mean to stiffen up the way he does, but at the thought of what awaits them back home — what awaits vash — it makes his stomach drop like a stone through water, throat thick with all the things he hasn't yet said and all the things he needs to say to his brother. just because it means being honest, and he deserves that much. but.

he can't bring himself to. not yet, and if his own fear is what ends up driving them apart again, well. he'll have done it himself, won't he? all over again.

let him think that they can work together. let him think that they can fix everything that nai has broken. let him think there's still something salvageable because maybe there had been here, and maybe they've come a long, long way from when he'd first arrived.

but there is no going back home. it's a thought that makes his throat tighten and the backs of his eyes ache, but he simply buries his nose in his brother's hair and stays there. ) I promise. Where you go … I go.

( liar.

liar.

liar. )

[ If it were anyone else, maybe Vash wouldn't have noticed the subtle body language. Maybe he would have let it pass. Instead, he shifts, carefully moving his head to look at Knives through his eyelashes and messy mop of hair. Nearly identical blue eyes watch Knives carefully as Vash shifts the way he's curled into his brother to settle a hand against his brother's neck, his thumb tracing over the curve of his cheekbone, just below his beautymark.

He knows, but he doesn't ask. There's a moment or two where he just watches, saying nothing and then he moves to press their foreheads together and closes his eyes. It's such a similar, familiar sort of action, one that Vash finds comfort in and one he hopes his brother finds soothing as well.

I'm sorry, Nai. ]

It's okay.

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you poor unfortunate soul

so sad, so true

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