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[scads]

Don't bother unless you have something important to say.

→ sms ← mms → voice ← video → action ← plans to end humanity → unreasonable tantrums regarding one's twin brother ←

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[notsonewbie]

[Though Meryl holds his gaze for the time being, there's no denying that a part of her wants desperately to tear away and stare at the floor. He may not be the most readable person, but she'd like to think she's started picking at some of his tells. Even if that weren't true, she feels like she's being laid bare the longer she sits beneath his gaze. There's a vulnerability that comes from honesty, and right now she wants nothing more than to hide.

The squeeze of her hands is reassuring, even when the beginning of his ramble doesn't. Their invaluable friendship felt like a way of emphasizing that they were just that. She wouldn't hate it, just being his friend, but that wouldn't mean she wasn't disappointed.

But he continues, teeth worrying his lip in a way she almost wants to scold him for. Don't hurt yourself, she nearly says, if there weren't more important things happening, things she doesn't want to interrupt.

She sits in silence with his final statement for a moment. There's no disappointment or frustration. It's a better answer than she could have expected. The question now becomes... what next. The last thing she wants is to speak in a way that might imply she was pressuring him. She had known, at least in the back of her mind, that he probably didn't have much experience in this regard.

In the end, she shifts enough so that she's sitting on her knees. It helps her push herself up that much higher, so that they're almost eye level. Yes, she has to take every inch she can get.]

We don't have to have an idea. We don't even have to be a "we." [Even if her brow does briefly pinch at that.] I... I mean I'm sure you've seen Night Sky and Livio around. I have experience with them but - Sometimes I still don't know what I'm doing.

But I do know I care about you, too. A lot. And even if that just means little nights like this, just spending time with each other. Or Drinking tea. Or anything! I would be happy. [Finally, her gaze drops, courage finally fading.] But I wouldn't mind... more, either. More like - before. With the masquerade.

[scads]

( of the two people he could possibly think of that should be able to read him even a little bit, she's certainly one of them, and he tries — he really tries — to keep his expression open, far from impassive or neutral, even if neither of them are sure where they're supposed to go from here. he's nothing if not welcoming of her feelings for him, accepting of them, even if it feels as though she's handing him something incredibly delicate and all he's ever known is how to break things. destroy them.

( and that circles right back around to the reason behind his wanting to learn how to garden, because he's come to the realization that he would so much rather create, cultivate then tear down, and he thinks of his interactions with meryl the very same way.

do not mess this up. )

she lets him ramble, and he's almost afraid that she's going to move away from him when she begins shifting — don't, please — but that may just be a little bit of that ever-present anxiety of his seeping through when it really, really shouldn't, and when she settles again he tries not to take so deep of a steadying breath. or at the very least, to make it seem like it isn't exactly that.

he gives over a slight little huff of laughter at the mention of their resident giant teddy bear; not that he would ever refer to him as such outside of his own mind, but you're welcome to appreciate it in introspection. ) It would be rather difficult to miss him. ( he says quietly, with the hint of a soft smile. ) Night Sky, we've never crossed paths in person, but I would say I'm … peripherally aware of her. ( sort of? he's probably seen her on the network.

he goes quiet when she picks back up her own ramble, holding her small hands in his, gently ( and absently ) brushing the pads of his thumbs over the backs of them, almost like he's trying to comfort her and isn't aware of doing it at all. there's a lot to pick through here, too, and a lot to respond to, but for the very moment … he chooses that very last bit. ) Like before, hm? ( he leans in a little bit closer, and where before had been nothing but the most wholesome sort of uncertainty there's a liiiiiittle bit of mischief in the way his eyes shimmer just the slightest bit in the low light. ) Does that mean I have your permission to kiss you again? ( he really will get to the rest of it, we promise, but one thing at a time and baby steps, regardless. )

[notsonewbie]

[One day, Meryl may need to have a talk with Nai on his ability to withhold nicknames for some people and not others. The fact that Livio has thusfar avoided the teddy bear accusations, yet she's been labeled with little one will not sit well with her. Even if Nai isn't wrong.

But it's all a moot point, as she's far more distracted by the conversation at hand than attempting to read her... companion's? mind.]

They're both good people. Kind. And very different between the two of them. And from you. [So far, Meryl's type has been a scattershot. They've all also been things she's fallen accidentally into. Really, Nai is the only one she's actually danced around with any amount of deliberation.

Anything else she might have had to say is interrupted by the way the his fingers trace over her hands. Once again, she has to marvel at just how gentle he is. She no longer has to grapple with the man in front of her versus the one she remembers, but even still, he finds a way to take her by surprise.

... Like with that question, for example. She huffs once, turning her head briefly away as she tries to hide the way her face immediately burns an even brighter shade of red. She doesn't stay away long, though, not when the offer is enticing as it is. Eventually she turns back, though, eyes still wide and skin still warm, but a hopeful smile blooming all the same.]

I - would like that, actually. [Her chin tips upward, just a hint bolder than before.] Permission granted.

[scads]

( she's more than welcome to have that talk with him, because he will deny all thoughts of livio as their resident teddy bear, but she is little one; his … little one … as this conversation seems to be going the way of, but he doesn't think he has any place to think anything like that, even if she's coming to him with her feelings and laying them bare. it's not his right, to claim anyone else like that.

moving right along! ahem!

he smiles softly at the first response she gives. ) I imagine you couldn't attract anything but good people. ( he pauses, brows furrowing, because yes, he realizes what he's just said and is going to make an addendum. ) Save for me. But we've been over your acceptance of me and everything I am … so I suppose that means you get a free pass, hm? ( he's trying to be funny, he's trying to keep his tone light but the fact remains that he still feels as though he'll never be able to atone for what happened in july. all those people, all those lives, not even including his own because he'd brought that on himself —

but he's not going to allow himself to spiral. not now. not when this is a good conversation.

the way she turns away from him is … undeniably endearing, as though she isn't entirely transparent and that's including the fact that he's terrible at reading social cues; she turns back to him, and he takes back one of his hands to trail his fingertips over the very edge of her jaw, a reverent sort of touch that goes to the corner of her mouth before that hand settles at the side of her neck, the flutter of her pulse bright and warm beneath his palm.

he doesn't say anything else, only presses his lips to hers in a semblance of how she had done the same during the masquerade, only unhindered by the stipulations of being released from a ( pardon the pun ) sticky situation; his lips are soft against hers, chaste in the way he first lays little pecks against the seam of her mouth and then kisses her properly, warm and inviting, giving her all the room she might need ( or want ) to steer the kiss in whatever direction she likes. )

[notsonewbie]

[In time, perhaps they'll cross that bridge and address the topic of possession. Certainly, Meryl is coming to see Nai as hers. Not entirely, as the last thing she would ever do is come between the bonds of brotherhood between himself and Vash. She might not know how deep those bonds go, but even still — never would she dare to usurp that position.]

I think I attract people that want to be good. That are willing to be, even. [It's an alteration that successfully includes Nai within the bunch. She's not going to forgive his past, solely because that isn't just her role, but she can acknowledge the steps he's taken forward.

She can also acknowledge that thinking about those things is about to be patently difficult for her, now that Nai is leaning in. There's a brief moment of panic, an instant where her eyes go wider as she both forgets and the simultaneously remembers what she's supposed to do next. She leans forward to meet him, eyes closing as she accepts each little peck.

Even if the smile that threatens to bloom over her lips comes dangerously close to disturbing them both.

To her credit, she doesn't immediately push for escalation. Right now she's content with lingering in the kiss. When she does move her lips, it's slow and careful. She doesn't know how much Nai has done this, if ever. Thus, a careful, educational approach seems best for her.

And maybe she just wants to take it one step at a time with him. Maybe she wants to figure out what she's supposed to do with her hands first. They can't just fretfully grab at her own shorts the entire time. Perhaps if she lifted them to lay against his chest?

Yeah, that should work. If he gets to enjoy the way her pulse jumps and jackhammers, she should get to do the same.]

[scads]

( maybe they'll eventually have that conversation, and maybe he'll come to understand the thought of possession of more than one person, since she's shared the knowledge of her other partners with him, there's nothing about exclusivity and vash will always be at the forefront of his mind, there is no helping that, but. she's there now, too, taking up his thoughts day in and day out. he's already made a place for her there.

( but nai can be hers, too. if she wants him to be. he'd never really felt like he belonged anywhere, much less to anyone even before the great fall, and there is a feeling of home in her that a part of him still doesn't know what to do with. he'll figure it out, in time, but … he'd be trying to get away with a lie if he tried to say he didn't like the thought of being hers.

do with that what you will, meryl. he's in your hands. )

he sighs, quietly, a short and muffled thing in the space between them. ) I want to be good, I think. ( for a small moment, he sounds so much younger than his years, unsure in the steps he's trying to take forward. ) For you, and for Vash. You both deserve so much more from me than what I am. ( there's more of that vulnerability, effectively laying himself bare before her and asking, begging for her to accept him, as she's so far accepted everything else.

but. he follows her lead when she moves her lips against his, because he really doesn't have a lot of experience with this sort of thing, and he's still gentle, delicate in everything he does with her because he doesn't know any other way to be. though he does take a chance in dragging his teeth over her bottom lip, the slightest nibble, because he honestly can't help it.

his hands begin to move, quite without his consent and one settles at the back of her neck, fingers threading through the short, soft hair at her nap while the other settles at the dip of her waist, maybe even squeezing gently, pulling her closer and closer until she's in his lap, such a tiny thing, and he wants to keep her there.

his?

maybe he's thinking about that more than he realizes. )

[notsonewbie]

[The admission is all she needs. He wants to take the step forward, and so she'll be there to help him. She can't guarantee what that process will look like, and quite frankly? She doesn't care. There are slightly more pressing things to think about in this moment. Namely, ensuring that Nai believes he's at least good enough to be apart of her life.

First step? Sliding easily into his lap. She straddles his waist almost without hesitation, stumbling only slightly. It causes her to break from the kiss just for a second, a faint little laugh forming, expression both sheepish and heartbreakingly stricken.

She's wanted this for a long time. Under pressure, maybe she'd admit to dreaming of it, even.

Lucky for both of them, she returns to their kiss just as easily. This time, it's her teeth that drag over his lip, reciprocating the gesture before tracing her tongue over the same space. If she had to guess — and she has no reason not to believe it, thank you — she has just a bit more experience than him. Fumbling though she might be, she can at least show him some of the ropes.

She quickly grows unsatisfied by the hand against his chest. One can linger against the firm muscle, but the other slides back into near-white hair. She cards her fingers through it painfully gently, relishing the way it slides through her fingers in the same breath that she relishes the slide of their lips.]